Quote Paragraph V2
In times of grief or distress, one will try to rationalize the inequitable nature of the world, by explaining it in story.
“This time she did not reach out, she stopped. Somewhere inside of her were the souls of words. They climbed out and stood beside her.”
The person mentioned here is Liesel as she spots Max in a Jewish caravan passing through Molching and heading to Camp Dachau. This is her second attempt of reaching through to Max through the crowd. When the words “climbed out and stood beside her” In this very moment, she channels her ability as word shaker and conveys that she read his book, and understands him and mentions: “inside of her were the souls of words.” (Note Liesel hasn’t seen Max since reading his “Word Shaker” book.
The Word shaker book also talks about the power of words and their ability to corrupt and force ideas upon people. Liesel later reflects in a world without words, Hitler would have little to no authority and things wouldn’t have to be the way they are. There is nothing more comforting than knowing your life is a shared experience. This shared experience is a literary one as she quotes from his book, speaking them to Max as she approaches him. Like Liesel, writing is self-expression for Max as with his, for things that could not be explained in conversation.
Again, this paragraph is dense with ideas and analysis. It’s better organised than version 1. Version 3 needs to consider the following:
Does the content of the paragraph sufficiently expand on the idea introduced in the topic (opening) sentence)? I say no – everything that is in your paragraph has relevance, however I struggle to understand how it’s building an argument.
I suggest you write a second sentence that makes a more specific application of the broader philosophical statement made in the first sentence. I also suggest you read your paragraph aloud to yourself and determine whether you’re offering a sequence of logical reasoning. Does one point follow on from the last?
I’d like to discuss this with you in person. May we do that in Week 1 of Term 2?
CW